Despicable Isn't The Word For It!
by Manchester
Summary: Dawn's exuberant whoop of delight at her discovery outside blasted everyone else out of bed that morning, including Buffy who was having a nice, wonderful dream of this whole weird weekend finally being over. Last of the series!


"Okay, they're all going to die!" maniacally vowed Buffy, just before she was tackled to the floor by Faith and the rest of the Cleveland house's Slayer contingent. Dawn caught it all on pixels with the digital camera handed to her by that device's owner a moment prior to this other young woman diving onto the thrashing pile of females.

* * *

A couple of minutes earlier:

"Ya know they're not that good at the chattin' stuff. I still managed to use the intercom to 'em layin' low from ya in their hideout with the humongous blast doors, reinforced concrete walls, all sorta scientific scannin' an' inventin' shit, plus those absolutely cool deathtraps. The ones holdin' down the fort tol' me it an' everythin' else was s'posed to be a nice thank-ya present for Xan, 'cuz he done such a great job of lookin' after 'em for the weekend. Well, I hadda agree with the last thing, so I said he'll be definitely knocked right outta his socks when our guy gets back with the senior Minions from pickin' up Gru an' his gals from their vacation. What with all the loud happy cheepin' an' chirpin' they wuz doin' through our talk, those other li'l yellow dudes listenin' in seemed to feel it wuz totally worth it, an' my own congratulations 'bout how perfect they showed off my tits also really made their day."

Ending her report in the same matter-of-fact fashion she'd been maintaining throughout the entire ludicrous narrative, Faith then shot a deadpan glance at where Buffy was standing motionless on the front lawn of the Cleveland house. Judging from how glazed her sister Slayer's expression now appeared, B hadn't yet absorbed the last little bit of smug news over what Faith had just slipped in to round off what she'd been hastily sent to find out early this morning.

Successfully hiding her sudden evil smirk, the Boston native then sauntered away to have her picture taken positioned by the double life-size carved stone statue of a nude Faith Lehane, one of close to a dozen other stark-naked sculptures scattered throughout the residence's front yard, most which were all flawlessly done in the same heroic female style. Casting a considering gaze around at her location which now possessed those new and extra-large lawn ornaments all in a state of utter undress (each somehow mysteriously placed there between the late-night return of the last Slayer patrol and when Dawn had sleepily wandered out the front door just after sunrise to check if the morning paper had been delivered yet), Faith appreciatively nodded to herself at witnessing such a fantastic piece of silliness.

*Speakin' of a piece...*

Looking past the other representations in the buff of the house inhabitants, Faith then tilted her head back to take in all the glory of a hundred-foot high statue of Xander Harris showing off to the entire neighborhood every inch of his uncovered male form, down to the very last scar. Fists resting on his bare hips, a confident smile played on the marble face wearing the only garment shown for the entire statue, and two muscular legs the size of tree trunks straddled the house driveway.

Fortunately, Willow's notice-me-not spell cast over the place when they'd moved here after Sunnydale was keeping anyone else not living at their new home from actually perceiving something was different today about the large residence shared by a band of humanity's protectors. This was evidently the reason why they hadn't been overrun by the media in the last fifteen minutes. On the other hand, everybody having their mail sent here was getting one hell of an eyeful right now, so the Red Witch's enchantment obviously hadn't worked upon another group of banana-hued subordinates.

Faith began to naughtily grin at seeing how Dawn was now standing in the middle of the driveway, her right arm raised over her head and the palm of that limb flattened out, all done for a certain reason. That same reason was why the newbie Slayer who'd been taking all but one particular person's picture by their corresponding unclad figurines was now backing down the driveway. During this, the superhuman girl holding her digital camera was carefully studying the image shown on the screen there, until the proper perspective was achieved...

Just when it was getting good, Faith also saw out of the corner of her eye how a dazed B began twitching into life once more. That overcome woman was also mumbling under her breath several slurred statements which Faith heard quite well, "Troll hammer...get hammer...pound, pound, pound...must turn it all to rubble, it can't possibly be to scale...practice for real thing..."

*Uh-oh, better get ready for a Cali-gal takedown,* Faith mentally snickered. *Maybe in the middle of our upcomin' tussle with me an' the other Slayers 'gainst her, I'll tell the whole world it's for damn sure that big in real life!*

Faith's inner glee only increased at then watching how B lurching towards the house next paused for one last horrified stare at the naked statue in its pride of place at the front of their dwelling. In the middle of Her Short Blondness' preoccupation with this, Faith energetically waved at the other warrior women also on the lawn, signaling to them it was time to form up and get ready for preventive action versus their illustrious leader clearly about to go nutso any second now.

Shuddering away from the ghastly item, Buffy Summers tried not to think about how it and all those other disgusting lumps of rock could've been created by the little monsters over there, who one and all needed to pay for this! There was no way on earth she looked like that! Not with such a beyond-angry expression displayed by some shrewish fishwife having a really bad day! And above all, she was _not_ ever going to accept any artistic representation of her being only four feet tall at the most!

Ignoring any possible followers, Buffy managed to get inside the house before she realized the most infuriating issue of today's hilarious caper carried out by the next-door supervillain's underlings. Compared to a certain man's statue outside just about to be given a Slayer clobbering in rehearsal for the even more painful flesh and blood punishment waiting for him, if anyone actually dared to match up that colossal work of flattery against her own diminutive, disrespectful carving, it was almost like she was...

Xander's _minion._


End file.
